


10:20pm

by ExistentialKnight



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Dave needs to go the fuck to sleep but nope instead hes on a bridge, Frozen In Time, M/M, Suicide Attempt, its really late, theres also a lot of sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-15
Updated: 2018-06-15
Packaged: 2019-05-23 14:30:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14936075
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ExistentialKnight/pseuds/ExistentialKnight
Summary: Dave freezes time in an attempt to kill himself before anyone can stop him.





	10:20pm

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Capripian_Light_Of_My_Derse](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Capripian_Light_Of_My_Derse/gifts).



It’s been 10:20 for fifteen minutes now.  
I’m standing on the edge of a bridge, uselessly checking the clock on my phone because i know the time and I know how long it’s been 10:20 pm on Tuesday night.  
I shoot out a few messages. Jade, John, Rose, Sollux. Karkat. They’ll all send at the same time, and hopefully, nobody will have the time to respond to them before they can’t anymore.  
My phone goes back to my pocket, and I switch out my bright red clothes for something more suitable, more ambiguous. Plain jeans, one of my old record tees. My shades get tucked away in their sylladex, and the moon stays in place overhead, shimmering down on motionless water.  
There’s an empty sound that I know are caused by my own footsteps, and although I leave my shadow behind on the middle of the bridge, the deeper parts of the water beckon.  
I shut my eyes, and take a step forward into the empty air, leaning my weight onto that foot until I no longer have any.  
The air rushes around my bare skin, covered in scars, but I force myself to stop a second before I collide with the water and snap my neck, or my spine, or something. Instead my foot gets a little wet, and I press a hand to my face, not even aware I was crying.  
The bridge looms above me, and I wonder how long I’d been falling-- 15 seconds.  
I pull out my phone again.

It’s not 10:20 anymore. 

I can almost hear Karkat’s footsteps, his voice, panting and angry and scared because of all fucking people, he knows what I planned to do.  
Sollux hacked into my phone, sent my location to everyone who saw the fucking messages.  
How long have I been standing in place, watching for any hint of movement against a sudden stop of time? How long has it been since the water started to move again? I can’t answer either.  
His voice pierces the poetic silence I’d prepared just for this fucking occasion, so I could whisk myself away down a current of water and regret as my thoughts swarmed with poetry.  
“DAVE!”  
I blinked back the tears again and felt the air on my skin shift, floating back to the edge of the bridge before I could try and stop myself.  
He dragged me away from that ledge, trying not to sob into my shoulder and failing. The sleeve turns light pink. His arms wrap around my back and dig into the cloth of my shirt, and now I’m crying too, forcing myself away from what I did and what I could have done, because all of that had imploded on itself and all that remained was Karkat, crying and holding on to me and dragging me away from the edge of the bridge. His shoulders quake, and no matter how blank my mind has gone, I lean forward and cry too, glad my shades weren’t in the way this time.  
He doesn’t let go for an hour, and I don’t want him to either.

After screaming my name in fear and rage, he speaks up for the first time at 11:43. 

“...please, please, don’t try something like this again. I know you have before, and I know it’s all just really fucking easier said than done, but please. I don’t think I can stand to lose anyone else, especially not you.”  
I don’t even have a snide comment to make in response to his last sentence, because he spits it out faster than I can.  
“And yes, I know, i probably got this from some shit movie, but I don’t want you dead for so many reasons. First of all, and you’re in shock so I’m guessing it’ll take a while to process this, I love you. Full on, weird human mixture of pale and flushed, but also incredibly fucking pitch because you’re infuriating and terrifying and as beautiful as a weird monkey thing can be, all at once. Second of all, I know what this is like, okay?  
I know what it’s like to want to end everything, because you feel like you’ll be less of a fucking burden if you’re gone. Like you don’t matter in the grand scheme of things, so what’s the point? I get it. I fucking get it. And there’s more reasons, but… i don’t think you want to hear them yet. Or maybe ever.” 

He still hasn’t let go at 12:16, when I finally speak up.

My wrists ache. My eyes are drooping of their own accord, my back is sore with the fatigue of a thousand scars.  
But i speak with a weak, weary smile. A smile you can only ever see on the face of someone who came close to death and made it out the other end this time, as much as they hate themselves and have this new extra layer of regrets and loathing because they were too weak to even end it.  
“...I love you too.”  
My head has started to ache, too. I wonder how much longer I can think straight, if straight is even the right word. 

I stop crying at 12:20. 

I stop, finally, and shift my head so I’m actually looking at him. His glowing eyes are tinted red from the tears. My shoulder is damp, and I don’t care. We sit in awed silence at our own confessions on the side of a bridge. He stops crying after a couple minutes, too. 

I kiss him at 12:23 am, Wednesday morning. 

I pull away in a mere moment and feel a rising sensation of panic. I shouldn’t have done that, and now there’s a million apologizes flying out of my mouth at once, and I start to edge closer to the side of the bridge but he takes my hand, scoots forward, places a hand on the side of my face and kisses me back. He murmurs ‘it’s okay’ against my lips. 

The bridge seems as far away as 10:20 pm, now. Maybe that’s a good thing.


End file.
